I have come to the realization that being all in for Christ, is only going to really happen, when I actually go all it. It is one thing to commit in my mind or my heart. Yet when the rest of my life does not follow, then even though I want to be all in I am not truly there. In order for the “all in” life to actually happen, some forced, uncomfortable disciplined actions are going to need to happen & so consistently that they become instinct.
I am going to have to force myself to pray when I wake up, not an hour later, but as soon as I wake up. I am going to have to force myself to have a “quiet” time at breakfast instead of a facebook & twitter time. I am going to need to force myself to stay peaceful in the car, force myself to spend more time in the word, more time in worship, more time writing positive things. More time appreciating the overwhelming blessings that I have, more time in quiet reflection & contemplation. There needs to be more time just trying to hear from God. This needs to become my way of life. If this does not become my way of life, then I will have to learn to accept a permanently volatile existence, one on the verge of anger & depression, unhealthy crutches & unjust disappointment. Having lived that way for so long, I really hope that I can stay committed enough to God to allow Him to change me the way He wants to. He has already brought me so very far, I don’t want to let Him down now by going back down the hill halfway through because it is too difficult. How can I not be all in on something that has changed my life so positively?
How am I going to try & achieve this? I have drawn up a list of what I think the day should look like, not trying to be legalistic, but I need some guidelines if I am going to try & make these serious changes to my daily habits & rituals. I’m going to try & cut out some things too, at least while I begin this in order to sort of underline the new start. So for a little while at least, no beer, no caffeine & no refined sugar, ok, maybe just less, no seems like a bold declaration with no real standing. This will also help with my new workout program I’ve started & also the big bike ride at the end of August. The plan is not for these to be permanent changes, but I am not ruling that out, if I feel way better without, then maybe that is the way to go. The idea is for God to be central & the other things to fit around that. I have realized recently that I have been trying to fit God around everything else & it’s just not working.
Wish me luck…