He walks through life wearing a brilliant disguise
He looks the part, the part they expect
Yet he has never felt comfortable in that role
He never conformed like he should have
The destructive wild streak
Feral instincts so difficult to subdue
Ashamed of the truth, he hides it
The disguise serves him well
Nobody believes what he is capable of
Nobody needs to know, at least that’s what he tells himself
Distance is kept, full access never granted
What shocks or regales others, he finds familiar comfort with
Assimilation, can the disguise become the reality
Can the part, the role, become the reality?
Would it be possible for satisfaction to be gained, without wanton self destruction?
Would calm seas actually be preferable to the raging torrent?
If the ways past could be abandoned, could peace be found?
Is the disguise even a disguise anymore, or is what was just deafening echoes of distant history
He asks, is it what is really wanted?
There is the fear of losing the fire
Right or wrong, the fire feels good, it feels part of him
As calm fades into rage, as hate drifts into love
Why is he so complicated, so defective?
He feels like a drifting soul with no place to call home
This of course is a lie, yet what is fully known in the head
Struggles to penetrate the soul
As he touches the bottom of the ocean, yet again
He begins to rise and wonders what it would be like,
How would it be to live outside the ups and downs
So help is sought, in the places of old and also places new
Or just turn off the faucet of the soul
Retreat into the depths of subconscious
Be like all the rest, at least how all the rest appear
Think less, feel less, be numb
He knows however, that this is not possible
The truth cannot be unlearned
Wallowing in indecision
Struggling with things he was convinced were finished
He turns, he runs, towards what he knows to be true above all
Received graciously into the loving arms of the Father
Once again he finds solace in the one who gave the truth
The future is a clouded mystery, but He will never be alone in it