The Disguise

He walks through life wearing a brilliant disguise

He looks the part, the part they expect

Yet he has never felt comfortable in that role

He never conformed like he should have

The destructive wild streak

Feral instincts so difficult to subdue

 

Ashamed of the truth, he hides it

The disguise serves him well

Nobody believes what he is capable of

Nobody needs to know, at least that’s what he tells himself

Distance is kept, full access never granted

What shocks or regales others, he finds familiar comfort with

 

Assimilation, can the disguise become the reality

Can the part, the role, become the reality?

Would it be possible for satisfaction to be gained, without wanton self destruction?

Would calm seas actually be preferable to the raging torrent?

If the ways past could be abandoned, could peace be found?

Is the disguise even a disguise anymore, or is what was just deafening echoes of distant history

 

He asks, is it what is really wanted?

There is the fear of losing the fire

Right or wrong, the fire feels good, it feels part of him

As calm fades into rage, as hate drifts into love

Why is he so complicated, so defective?

He feels like a drifting soul with no place to call home

 

This of course is a lie, yet what is fully known in the head

Struggles to penetrate the soul

As he touches the bottom of the ocean, yet again

He begins to rise and wonders what it would be like,

How would it be to live outside the ups and downs

So help is sought, in the places of old and also places new

 

 

Or just turn off the faucet of the soul

Retreat into the depths of subconscious

Be like all the rest, at least how all the rest appear

Think less, feel less, be numb

He knows however, that this is not possible

The truth cannot be unlearned

 

Wallowing in indecision

Struggling with things he was convinced were finished

He turns, he runs, towards what he knows to be true above all

Received graciously into the loving arms of the Father

Once again he finds solace in the one who gave the truth

The future is a clouded mystery, but He will never be alone in it